Dating
Dating in my 20s has been interesting. In fact, the older I get the less I care and the more I can relax with the whole dating thing. For other singles, getting older may increase the pressure becuase you may feel anxious about finding that special person before you start balding (men) or your hips start spreading (ladies). But for me, it's been the exact opposite. I have become so nonchalant that i even surprise myself.
For example, this Memorial Day weekend I hooked up with an old friend. He comes to my family's cookout and we have a great time-cool convo, lots of laughts, and some good quality time together. As he drove into the starry night on his white stallion (or was it a nondescript American-made sedan?) he calls out, "I'll call you. I miss you already!". Before long, a week passes and he calls and he is pissed. He perceeds to tell me that he's angry with me for not calling him. He's upset that I did not call him during his 4 hour ride home to check on him. Blah Blah Blah.
As you can guess, I did not really care too much. It is not that I was not interested in his feelings of neglect, abandonment, or unimportance. On the contrary. I care about him a lot since was have know each other since college, have been intimate, and have experienced a great deal together. However, I know that if a man really is interested in a woman, he'll call her in less than 48 hours of their last encounter. If he is really digging a lady, he will not be able to help himself. A man who wants something will not be stopped from displaying it.
So, when he did not call me that night, I knew that he was not too pressed over me. It was cool. I did not care. I was chill about the situation. I'd put absolutely no pressure that "we" were going anywhere. I've learned from experience over the years to not expect anything from a dating situation. I just go with the flow. If a relationship evolves, cool. If not, cool too. I am not too pressed. Therefore, I do not chase men. I've learned that it is not my God-given role to pursue a relationship. It is the man's role to pursue me. In the past, when I've pursued men, the relationship that was established did not last. Men by design are hunters. It they obtain a woman that they have not "hunted" they will not have learned her value and worth. As a result, they will eventually not treat her well and the relationship will disintegrate.
Therefore, I've concluded that my old friend who got angry with me for not calling, really wasn't angry with me because I didn't call him. He was angry because I chose not to chase him. If he was truly interested he would have "hunted" me. Instead, he put his ego in the mix, got upset over percieved rejection, called me in anger, and pissed me off. He certainly does not have to worry about me calling him ever again. I don't chase men because I know my worth (I'll tell you a secret: I am very smart, virtuous, approachable, sucessful in my life, and cute. All in all I am a catch).
What's affirming in this situation is that my sister saw this dude at an NFL Celebrity event about 2 weeks later with a woman who appeared to be pregnant. It seems that yet again I've speared myself from some drama-another close call in this life caught in the 20s.
For example, this Memorial Day weekend I hooked up with an old friend. He comes to my family's cookout and we have a great time-cool convo, lots of laughts, and some good quality time together. As he drove into the starry night on his white stallion (or was it a nondescript American-made sedan?) he calls out, "I'll call you. I miss you already!". Before long, a week passes and he calls and he is pissed. He perceeds to tell me that he's angry with me for not calling him. He's upset that I did not call him during his 4 hour ride home to check on him. Blah Blah Blah.
As you can guess, I did not really care too much. It is not that I was not interested in his feelings of neglect, abandonment, or unimportance. On the contrary. I care about him a lot since was have know each other since college, have been intimate, and have experienced a great deal together. However, I know that if a man really is interested in a woman, he'll call her in less than 48 hours of their last encounter. If he is really digging a lady, he will not be able to help himself. A man who wants something will not be stopped from displaying it.
So, when he did not call me that night, I knew that he was not too pressed over me. It was cool. I did not care. I was chill about the situation. I'd put absolutely no pressure that "we" were going anywhere. I've learned from experience over the years to not expect anything from a dating situation. I just go with the flow. If a relationship evolves, cool. If not, cool too. I am not too pressed. Therefore, I do not chase men. I've learned that it is not my God-given role to pursue a relationship. It is the man's role to pursue me. In the past, when I've pursued men, the relationship that was established did not last. Men by design are hunters. It they obtain a woman that they have not "hunted" they will not have learned her value and worth. As a result, they will eventually not treat her well and the relationship will disintegrate.
Therefore, I've concluded that my old friend who got angry with me for not calling, really wasn't angry with me because I didn't call him. He was angry because I chose not to chase him. If he was truly interested he would have "hunted" me. Instead, he put his ego in the mix, got upset over percieved rejection, called me in anger, and pissed me off. He certainly does not have to worry about me calling him ever again. I don't chase men because I know my worth (I'll tell you a secret: I am very smart, virtuous, approachable, sucessful in my life, and cute. All in all I am a catch).
What's affirming in this situation is that my sister saw this dude at an NFL Celebrity event about 2 weeks later with a woman who appeared to be pregnant. It seems that yet again I've speared myself from some drama-another close call in this life caught in the 20s.
posted by JoiDoe @ 5:02 PM
2 Comments:
I defiantly feel you on this one. As I have gotten older I have become real chill about dating and finding a mate. I use to always have a female and about two or three backups just in case one relationship or situation didn’t work out. I am just like you now I don’t go into any situation LOOKING for anything the “pop off”. I think people often times fall into the pressure of society and think they need a significant other to complete them. Or worse yet when someone sets a time table for themselves. Example I should be married by 27, kids by 29 and so on and so forth. We need to just live life and let things come naturally. That is why divorce rates are skyrocketing because people jump into relationships and how they feel at the moment. I have learned over time to just take things slow and let whatever happens happen. You can’t jump out there and get married so young most people at our age don’t even know themselves, now how are you going to get to know someone else when you don’t know who you are at this age.
I think it should be all about that 50/50 love that Teddy Pendergrass sung about. Yes, the man needs to step up but you can't just sit back and let him put in 90 percent and you put in 10 percent. I'm "Talking 'bout a 50/50 love" here.
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