Oh, to look like Thandie Newton

We all know that the media bombards women with society's (who/whatever that is) standard of beauty. Just turn on the tube or turn up the radio and you will see and hear any number of sublimal and overt messages stating the acceptable physical standard of beauty for women. When females are young girls there is a constant pressure to be "pretty" or "cute". That compliment is THE most important one to a little girl. You just get condition that looks are so important. Once, you hit puberty and are on your way to "becoming a woman" (as my mom and all of the high school nurses used to say) there is even more pressure to look the part and walk the walk. We became terrible make-up artists and sometimes went to school looking like BoBo the clown (damn those yearbook pictures!). Once you morph into a woman caught in the 20s it is even more crazy because you have begun to accept physical self for who she is, have decreased the amount of pressure you put on yourself to look like the latest hollywood hottie, but still desire to be desireable. I heard that once a woman hits 40, she is finally comfortable in her own skin.

But where does this pressure come from? How does it impact women? Is it healthy? Well, the pressure comes from MEN. At first, ladies, we think that we are wearing that gold eye shadow, high-heeled stilletos, itchy panty hose, and padded miracle bras for ourselves. We think, "this makes me look beautiful, sexy, desirable, mature, alluring". We think, "this makes me feel better about myself, gives me more confidence". However, the scary truth is that if no men were around....we wouldn't do it! [gasp] I think i may get kick out of the ladies club but fellas I am hipping you to an important fact. Women torture themselves for YOU.

Now, a little 'torture' can be healthy and not cause any emotional or physical or physological harm. For instance, high heeled shoes never hurt anybody (except Ike Turner) and make-up really only kills lab rabbits. But there are many many times when harm is caused in other ways. There are, at times, so much pressure on many women that they spin out of control in hopes of looking like Halle, J-Lo, Janet, etc. Women get so much outside pressure to be what the culture deems as acceptable (ie beautiful). This is manifested in anorexia, bulima, overeating, compulsive exercise, dressing too scantly at the local night spot, putting needles in our face to rid ourselves of wrinkles, gluing fake hair onto our scalps, burning our own hair, extreme plastic surgery, ect. We shove, liposuc, pull, bleed, and sweat to be acceptable to a society that is NEVER truly satisfied. And many women are chronically depressed...

But MEN have the power to stop teen and college-age women from killing themselves in the quest to be thin. Men have the power to shift a woman's focus from her physical self to her other selves. Men have the power to empower women to be free in their own skin. You can do things like not complain when she gains some weigh; not over critique her physical attributes; not compare her to the latest SportsIllustrated swimsuit edition models; praise her emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental capacities; and began to build her confidence. All men have women in their lives. Men, committ yourselves to offering words that breath life into women around you. Compliment them. Thank them for being who they are. Tell them that wearing extra low pants that shows their panties or wearing a sheer outfit to the club is not cool. Be committed to building up the women in your life.

I have had to learn to accept myself for who I am and I am loving it. My hair is nappy, I am skinny, wear a B-cup bra (on a good day), and do not look like any video vixen nor have a butt like Beyonce. But I am happy. I am continuously affirmed by God, myself, and also by the good men in my life who edify me. Men, spread a good word to the good women in your life.