Death

I am finally in touch with my own mortality. Monday night as I excitedly watched Detroit defeat the Miami Heat, I had a random asthma attack during the fourth quarter. I used my inhaler and told my friends not to worry. On the way home I had another asthma attack. Terrified, I began to imagine dying in my car on the side of the rode. You see, I don't have a severe case of asthma but I had an asthma attack last Thursday evening and now I was having 2 in a row. I realized that although I am only 27, death can crept upon me any moment. If not my own death, then the death of a loved one. I have been blessed to not have experience the death of any of my parents or grandparents. I still have one great grandmother alive (in the Bronx; she is awesome and extremely chic). The closest deaths have been my favorite uncle who drank himself into the grave and my baby brother who died when he was 3 months old and I was 3 years old. Although my life has been tainted by extreme instability and chaos, I have been spared severe losses. However, my favorite grandfather has prostate cancer, one of the grandmothers has a heart condition, and my mom has had 3 strokes and is currently being tested for ovarian cancer. And I am having random allergic reactions to my town's fertile air that prevent me from breathing. Death is eminent. Not only for me but for all of my loved ones. Accepting this has been very key for me because in the event of the unthinkable I am prepared to STAND. God allows shit to happen. Point blank. What He expects me to do is to TRUST Him and to believe that He is holding me and loving me and focused on my well-being. This trust comforts me and allows me to understand that what ever happens will be for a reason and I will be able to get through it. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for, says the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Therefore, I accept my mortality as it will take me to my heavenly Father. I accept the mortality of my sisters, parents, grandparents, and friends as their death will show me another side of life - that it is continous and at times tumultuous. But that there is also a constant and that constant is God's plan. I have faith that His plan, whatever it brings, includes my ability to adjust and accept the changes.