One Day It'll All Make Sense...

What is the purpose of all of this? What is the reason for going through the daily grind, the mundane, or the mind-numbing routine of this life? Yesterday, I completed a very long end of the year report which my boss wanted (like he is really going to read all of it). Over the course of my preparation, I had to reflect on all of my projects and accomplishments and setbacks over the past 8 months and how they met the goals of my organization. I realized how much work I'd done and was reminded how little impact I had in the grand scheme of things. So what if I had more productivity than my predecessor or initiated two new huge programs that are going to be annualized? So what if my income this year was more than double any income I've ever had? What does it matter if my title rings "accomplished"?

Nothing...to me. Now, I am not ungrateful for the gifts and blessings that God has given me. Not at all. I am humbled by it. However, none of this matters to me because I do not feel as if I am living out my life to the fullest or living out my true purpose. My family is shocked everytime I appear completed unaffected by my success. Some of them even try to map out the next step for me so that I can be more successful. "Get your Ph.D." "Stay at your current job" "Don't leave" "You are making money" "Do this. Do That" Being young but on the cusp of being a grown-ass adult is daunting. Everyone has a suggestion for how they can live vicariously through you. I know they all mean well but I cannot follow them. I do not know everything there is to know about life but I do know that I dont want to waste it chasing money, material possessions, and menial ideals of a "good life". I just want to live my life how I want to live it.

Since college the only thing that I have ever truly desired was to be happy. When I thought about what I want my life to be, I just wanted to be happy in that life. Now, whatever path it takes me to be happy is a toss up. However, through trial and error I now know some of what makes me happy and some of what does not. I know what kind of person I want to be and what kind of person I do not. I know that I am most happiest when I laugh. I know that I am most unhappy when I feel absolutely powerless. I know that I am most happiest working with teenagers and talking with them and hanging out with them and sharing my bit of world experience with them. I know that I hate working at a computer all day or having a boss whose basic leadership method is intimidation. I know that I love to champion the cause of the poor. I know that I can feel God's pleasure when I am serving someone at his/her most helpless. I can actually feel God presence.

So, at the end of the day I must ask myself, "how does what I accomplished today count towards accomplishing my mission in life" "How does it serve the people I know that I was created to serve" "How does it match up with the most important things to me; justice, equity, fair access to adequate housing, the empowerment of the proletariat, and the spreading of God's Gospel?" Life is so short. Even in my 20s I realize this. Therefore, I gotta do what I was sent here to do; provide affordable housing, transform the 'hood, nurture and mentor young girls and women, advocate for the poor, love my extended 'family', and teach whatever God puts in my heart. I have to. If I don't I am not living my life. I am merely existing.

Happy 73rd Birthday, Grammie.