Addictive Personalities
Last week, I met up with this dude at a local bar. During our conversation he told me that he has a very addictive personality – alcohol, cigarettes, partying, etc. That wasn’t hard for me to believe because I can see that in how he relates to me. Although I never call him, he continues to aggressively pursue me without any reciprocity on my part. Anyway, that personal reflection caused me to think about my own addictions – past and present. I think many people can say that they battle being addicted to vices. Most of us can at least relate being addicted and then overdosing on something that was initially good.
At various times I become “addicted” to things, events, places, etc. Last fall, I was addicted to Carmello candy bars. I couldn’t go into a convenience store and NOT purchase one or two. I couldn’t help myself. It was as if they were calling my name. Another period, I was addicted to smoking. So, for 2 or 3 months I smoked almost everyday. Then I dropped the habit.
Once I was addicted to a man (actually a few times) and I did all kinds of crazy/stupid things (drive him to pick up one of his 3 kids, play the position of ‘main girl’ while I subconsciously knew he had others, and braid his hair for free while I charged other men $20). Again, it was as if that man had some voodoo-induced hold on me. I was addicted to just the scent of him. I yearned for him. Then one day I decided that I didn’t want to be bothered any more and stopped taking his calls.
Now I am addicted to activity. Although I currently work on average more than 40 hours a week at my full-time job, attend volunteer and church activities, I picked up a part-time gig. I just have to be busy. Right now, I cannot be still. I have to be into something at all times. Sometimes, when I get off my part-time late at night, I may go to a coffee shop or go to a bar just to have something else to do. I am also finding myself being drawn to yet another man (the beginning stages of addiction). Although he is not “Mr. Right” he is certainly “Mr. Right Now” and my body responds at the thought of him. He is just too damn cool. I wonder if he knows he has that effect on me. Maybe I should go cold turkey before I get in too deep. I can always keep myself busy by picking up another job…
At various times I become “addicted” to things, events, places, etc. Last fall, I was addicted to Carmello candy bars. I couldn’t go into a convenience store and NOT purchase one or two. I couldn’t help myself. It was as if they were calling my name. Another period, I was addicted to smoking. So, for 2 or 3 months I smoked almost everyday. Then I dropped the habit.
Once I was addicted to a man (actually a few times) and I did all kinds of crazy/stupid things (drive him to pick up one of his 3 kids, play the position of ‘main girl’ while I subconsciously knew he had others, and braid his hair for free while I charged other men $20). Again, it was as if that man had some voodoo-induced hold on me. I was addicted to just the scent of him. I yearned for him. Then one day I decided that I didn’t want to be bothered any more and stopped taking his calls.
Now I am addicted to activity. Although I currently work on average more than 40 hours a week at my full-time job, attend volunteer and church activities, I picked up a part-time gig. I just have to be busy. Right now, I cannot be still. I have to be into something at all times. Sometimes, when I get off my part-time late at night, I may go to a coffee shop or go to a bar just to have something else to do. I am also finding myself being drawn to yet another man (the beginning stages of addiction). Although he is not “Mr. Right” he is certainly “Mr. Right Now” and my body responds at the thought of him. He is just too damn cool. I wonder if he knows he has that effect on me. Maybe I should go cold turkey before I get in too deep. I can always keep myself busy by picking up another job…
posted by JoiDoe @ 9:39 AM
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