CON-TRO-L
Men are the devil. I swear. I just may be single for the rest of my life-by choice. Allow me to explain my reasoning. Last night, my sister comes into the kitchen in the worst funk. She is rude to me, yells, and then goes upstairs into her bedroom. I am left at a lost, wondering what sparked it. A half an hour goes by and one of my friends arrive. He joins me in the living room and we start talking. I hear her bedroom door open, footsteps on the stairs, and then see her appear with tears streaming down her face. She plops down onto the couch beside our friend, puts her head on his shoulder, and weeps. We both look at each other stunned.
Of course we ask her what is wrong and ask why she is crying. She just continues to weep. In an attempt to lighten the mood (and cut to the chase) I jokingly ask, “Did CJ dump you”. She cries all the more. “Humm”, I think to myself. She and CJ are not a couple. They are just dating so he obviously could not have dumped her. “So, he must have done something wrong” I continue thinking to myself. Then she belts out, “He doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend”. Al and I just stare at each other and she continues to weep.
To make a long story short, men are horrible. She and CJ have been “hanging out” and “dating” for 4 months now. He asked her to move to Atlanta with him when he finished his deployment in a year. She lives and breathes CJ. Most of the time it is super annoying to me but I tolerate it because she says that she is in love. Hummm. Now, she is in love with him and ready to marry him at the drop of a hat but he isn’t even interested in being her boyfriend. Humm. This was too familiar to me so I withdrew any emotional impulse to look at both sides of the story. I told her to leave him alone.
Al eventually leaves and she goes back upstairs with a bottle of champagne. I hear Mary J. Blige bellowing out of her room. When I go into her bedroom she tells me to leave her alone. I tell her to be strong and to not give her night away to depression and sadness over a dude who clearly is an idiot because he is leading her on. She yells for me to leaver her alone. So I leave her bedroom. About 45 minutes later I hear her on the phone. Then a little later, I hear her laughing with the person on the other line. I knew it was CJ. “What an idiot she is”, I thought to myself as I lay down to sleep while hearing her voice in the other room.
This morning, she began to talk about him, beginning to explain that it was a mistake and that while he did say he didn’t want her to be his girlfriend it wasn’t exactly what he meant. Again, this was too familiar so again I removed all emotional impulse to be sympathetic. I told her to not be a fool. I was very angry at her and at the situation but I could not understand why I was so angry. It wasn’t until I got into my car that I realized that I was angry because I felt as if I was looking into a mirror.
For two years, I allowed myself to be tossed and turned by the emotional inconsistencies of X-Factor. Humm. When he wanted to be committed I was there. When he didn’t want to be committed I was there. At all times, he dangled commitment and marriage before me like a carrot and I was a hungry bunny rabbit. I foolishly followed that carrot not caring that I could never have a bite. Hummm. So, I was angry because it wasn’t my sister that was being a fool. It was me, the fool, who for two years put a man in the center of my life and allowed his fancies to dictate my feelings, priorities, and plans. I never want to be that way ever again nor be in that situation again. In hindsight, it was truly a horrible place to be. I always wanted a title and he never gave me that. He wanted a pseudo-relationship. I wanted and needed the real thing.
My sister may be a fool but I need to detach my personal emotional baggage from her situation and be there for her. CJ may not be a loser or a liar or any negative thing. He is an individual and in relationships individuals go through things. I need to support her as long as she decides to stick it out. That is what she always did for me.
Of course we ask her what is wrong and ask why she is crying. She just continues to weep. In an attempt to lighten the mood (and cut to the chase) I jokingly ask, “Did CJ dump you”. She cries all the more. “Humm”, I think to myself. She and CJ are not a couple. They are just dating so he obviously could not have dumped her. “So, he must have done something wrong” I continue thinking to myself. Then she belts out, “He doesn’t want me to be his girlfriend”. Al and I just stare at each other and she continues to weep.
To make a long story short, men are horrible. She and CJ have been “hanging out” and “dating” for 4 months now. He asked her to move to Atlanta with him when he finished his deployment in a year. She lives and breathes CJ. Most of the time it is super annoying to me but I tolerate it because she says that she is in love. Hummm. Now, she is in love with him and ready to marry him at the drop of a hat but he isn’t even interested in being her boyfriend. Humm. This was too familiar to me so I withdrew any emotional impulse to look at both sides of the story. I told her to leave him alone.
Al eventually leaves and she goes back upstairs with a bottle of champagne. I hear Mary J. Blige bellowing out of her room. When I go into her bedroom she tells me to leave her alone. I tell her to be strong and to not give her night away to depression and sadness over a dude who clearly is an idiot because he is leading her on. She yells for me to leaver her alone. So I leave her bedroom. About 45 minutes later I hear her on the phone. Then a little later, I hear her laughing with the person on the other line. I knew it was CJ. “What an idiot she is”, I thought to myself as I lay down to sleep while hearing her voice in the other room.
This morning, she began to talk about him, beginning to explain that it was a mistake and that while he did say he didn’t want her to be his girlfriend it wasn’t exactly what he meant. Again, this was too familiar so again I removed all emotional impulse to be sympathetic. I told her to not be a fool. I was very angry at her and at the situation but I could not understand why I was so angry. It wasn’t until I got into my car that I realized that I was angry because I felt as if I was looking into a mirror.
For two years, I allowed myself to be tossed and turned by the emotional inconsistencies of X-Factor. Humm. When he wanted to be committed I was there. When he didn’t want to be committed I was there. At all times, he dangled commitment and marriage before me like a carrot and I was a hungry bunny rabbit. I foolishly followed that carrot not caring that I could never have a bite. Hummm. So, I was angry because it wasn’t my sister that was being a fool. It was me, the fool, who for two years put a man in the center of my life and allowed his fancies to dictate my feelings, priorities, and plans. I never want to be that way ever again nor be in that situation again. In hindsight, it was truly a horrible place to be. I always wanted a title and he never gave me that. He wanted a pseudo-relationship. I wanted and needed the real thing.
My sister may be a fool but I need to detach my personal emotional baggage from her situation and be there for her. CJ may not be a loser or a liar or any negative thing. He is an individual and in relationships individuals go through things. I need to support her as long as she decides to stick it out. That is what she always did for me.
posted by JoiDoe @ 11:19 AM
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