Untitled

I am not sure why I cannot get over X-Factor. As a matter of fact, I cannot remember ever having this hard of a time letting someone or something go. I have the “talent” of running away from things when they get too complicated. But with this guy, my heart is having the hardest time. I could blame it on the fact that my parents were unstable and didn’t give me enough attention and affection. I could blame it on the fact that there is no one else to occupy my time. I could blame it on the fear of being utterly alone and the fear of rejection. Or I could blame it on the fact that I don’t expect much from men so when they treat me poorly I chuck it up to their nature.

I am not exactly sure why I cannot stop caring about X-Factor nor pinpoint the exact moment I became this weak, insecure, and desperate woman. If I could, I’d go back in time and stop whatever led to my current mental and emotional state. I would. I used to be so strong, so together. Now, I feel like a little kid waiting for her daddy to come home and pick her up. I don’t know how or when things got so mixed up.