More of that Mo' Betta Black Love
Disclaimer: I'm going to piss some more people off...don't hate the message, you can hate the messager if it makes you feel betta.
Why do black men date and marry non-black women?
I used to believe the love is hard to find. It is even harder to keep. Therefore, when you find love, hold on to it and make it work. I used to believe that it didn’t matter who you found this love with-color, race, class, nothing mattered but your love for one another. But I now firmly believe that this can be a cop-out for black men who prefer to date and marry white women. This is because on the most basic level one chooses who one falls in love with and commits to. Everyone has the discretion to choose who they spend their time, energy, and resources with. Those little decisions take you on certain paths and you choose the path that will lead you to fall in love with someone. One does not wake up in the morning and just happen to be in love. You choose it every step of a platonic relationship. A man chooses if he wants just a friendship or a romantic relationship with a woman. That “I can’t help who I love” rationale is a lie.
The reason why all of this even matters in the year 2005 is because the black community and culture are at crucial points. We suffer from broken families. Our children are being influenced by evil MTV and BET and hypersexual music. Our brothers are incarcerated at alarming rates (I personally know 4 people in jail right now). Some of our men are on the Down Low (YUCK). Poverty is swallowing up our inner cities and outer ring suburbs. Our women are confused about their roles and their identity because too many are baby mamas and not wives. Far too many of us have a ‘hood rich’ mentality and negative net worth. The black community is in dire straits. We need strong black families to confront and fight these pressures if the black community seeks to survive and be successful in America this century.
In order to have strong families, we need strong relationships between black men and black women. Black women should EXPECT a black man to marry her, protect her, provide for her, and love her. It should not be a hope but a reality. Black women have been forced to be superwomen because we do not have the covering of black men to shield us from life’s storms. Black men abandon the collective of black women and black culture when they choose to be with non-black women.
Black men need to stop saying that black women are “too aggressive”, “will not give a brother a chance”, “gold diggers”, and “ask for too much”. I was at a comedy show last week and a comedian stated that black women want too much from black men because they want a man with a job, car, and his own house. HELLO?! Why shouldn’t I require that? That line of thought is wack.
So, brothers before you decide to turn your back on your sistas and love on someone else just because they are non-black, think about the impact you are having on our culture. Analyze why a black woman has had to become so ‘strong’. It is because you were not allowed to protect us during slavery. It is because you were not allowed to be in the home if we were on public assistance. It is because you have been emasculated by a racist culture and are unsure of your role as a man. It is because we had to take care of ourselves and your children alone for centuries. Most of us are tired of being that “strong black woman” and just want to be weak and rely on a responsible and honorable black man to take care of us. We need strong black families for a strong black community. Don’t be like Kobe, Tiger (I still love you, Tiger, call me if you read this), Dave Chappelle, Russell Simmons, Charles Barkley, Tim Duncan, Wesley Snipes, Taye Diggs, etc. and give all of your love, time, and resources to another culture. The black culture needs you to survive. Black women are hurting because of your fears, insecurities, and intimidation. Step up to the plate and take care of your black women. We need you (but OJ and Ike Turner need not apply).
Why do black men date and marry non-black women?
I used to believe the love is hard to find. It is even harder to keep. Therefore, when you find love, hold on to it and make it work. I used to believe that it didn’t matter who you found this love with-color, race, class, nothing mattered but your love for one another. But I now firmly believe that this can be a cop-out for black men who prefer to date and marry white women. This is because on the most basic level one chooses who one falls in love with and commits to. Everyone has the discretion to choose who they spend their time, energy, and resources with. Those little decisions take you on certain paths and you choose the path that will lead you to fall in love with someone. One does not wake up in the morning and just happen to be in love. You choose it every step of a platonic relationship. A man chooses if he wants just a friendship or a romantic relationship with a woman. That “I can’t help who I love” rationale is a lie.
The reason why all of this even matters in the year 2005 is because the black community and culture are at crucial points. We suffer from broken families. Our children are being influenced by evil MTV and BET and hypersexual music. Our brothers are incarcerated at alarming rates (I personally know 4 people in jail right now). Some of our men are on the Down Low (YUCK). Poverty is swallowing up our inner cities and outer ring suburbs. Our women are confused about their roles and their identity because too many are baby mamas and not wives. Far too many of us have a ‘hood rich’ mentality and negative net worth. The black community is in dire straits. We need strong black families to confront and fight these pressures if the black community seeks to survive and be successful in America this century.
In order to have strong families, we need strong relationships between black men and black women. Black women should EXPECT a black man to marry her, protect her, provide for her, and love her. It should not be a hope but a reality. Black women have been forced to be superwomen because we do not have the covering of black men to shield us from life’s storms. Black men abandon the collective of black women and black culture when they choose to be with non-black women.
Black men need to stop saying that black women are “too aggressive”, “will not give a brother a chance”, “gold diggers”, and “ask for too much”. I was at a comedy show last week and a comedian stated that black women want too much from black men because they want a man with a job, car, and his own house. HELLO?! Why shouldn’t I require that? That line of thought is wack.
So, brothers before you decide to turn your back on your sistas and love on someone else just because they are non-black, think about the impact you are having on our culture. Analyze why a black woman has had to become so ‘strong’. It is because you were not allowed to protect us during slavery. It is because you were not allowed to be in the home if we were on public assistance. It is because you have been emasculated by a racist culture and are unsure of your role as a man. It is because we had to take care of ourselves and your children alone for centuries. Most of us are tired of being that “strong black woman” and just want to be weak and rely on a responsible and honorable black man to take care of us. We need strong black families for a strong black community. Don’t be like Kobe, Tiger (I still love you, Tiger, call me if you read this), Dave Chappelle, Russell Simmons, Charles Barkley, Tim Duncan, Wesley Snipes, Taye Diggs, etc. and give all of your love, time, and resources to another culture. The black culture needs you to survive. Black women are hurting because of your fears, insecurities, and intimidation. Step up to the plate and take care of your black women. We need you (but OJ and Ike Turner need not apply).
posted by JoiDoe @ 10:30 PM
4 Comments:
I concur.The basic unit of society is the family and that is why the black community is in serious trouble. Our families are broken, dysfunctional and lack strong black men as heads of households, providers and spiritual leaders. Everyone in our community, especially the men, need to invest in our young boys, women and children because that is exactly what has been missing for centuries, male influence and authority. It has compounded expotentially to create the same state of mental and literally physical bondange(jail) that black men suffered from in slavery. What I am bewildered at is that fact that as soon as black men & women for that matter, move up the latter and get an education, they start chasing whiteness in various ways. For men, it is a deep rooted issue that began centuries ago, as white women have been a standard of beauty and a symbol of status. When black men get an education, they move to the suburbs that are majority white (hence association breeds assimilation and he is around more white women then black, so that is who he marries). Instead of trying to build up our community they just move onto something that seems better. I am not one who is totally against interracial dating, but black men not dating black women is an epidemic. Thanks for taking a stab at highlighting some contributing factors and consequences of this epidemic.
"The notion that a black man feels it is better to love a woman of another race simply because she is of another race is an attack on my blackness and my sisters and I have a right to be offended."
I'd think there would be something wrong with us if we didn't take offense to that notion.
As you & I were discussing the other night, I too feel it's a cop out when brothas say stupid ish like "I don't date black women because they dont give me the time of day", "Black women have attitudes", & "There are no black women around." I've heard black men from Detroit say the latter...now that's some mess...You can't find an interesting sista in Detroit?
My question is WHERE IN HELL ARE SEARCHING FOR BLACK WOMEN AT? That upsets me & it's a slap in my face. I've never been in interested in anyone but black men. I'll date a variety of brothas as long as his black ass isn't crazy.
I pray that these men will get it together. We all need one another.
Most of the nonsense that I hear black women say is that they want a man with money, nice house, car and a big d#ck..lol and treat them good. Not every man is going to have that. And then you see a lot of our black women with white guys. Which one do they really want... most of them go after the money so I guess that rules out the big d#ck...lol.
What happened to the woman looking at where the man is headed instead of what he has now. If that was the case, Denzel Washington's wife would have left him if she had of looked at what he had when they first got together. She believed in him. She stood by him until he achieved what he wanted. Now she's one of the luckiest women in the world. No one wants to work toward getting anything together so you both can appreciate it together. Everyone wants everything right now. We're in the "right now" age. There is no patience. And lets face it... society easily excepts a black woman more than the black man. Because a powerful black man creates fear to a white man. It's been that way since slavery. Why do you think they beat the hell out of the black man and hung them if he got out of line, but then go in the slave quarters and have sex with the black women creating all these half-breeds. Don't you know that a civil war started off of the fear of a black man being free and having power and identity. They weren't threatened by a black woman.
It's a system out there that is set up to see black men fell. But music, television, videos and money have put a lot of pressure on us. I've been on so many jobs where they hire the heck out of black women and then you see a few black men straggling around who were mostly faggots. If you don't have Christ there is not much hope. He's the only one that can open the doors that white men and women don't want to let us in.
Most men that I know want to take care of their women. But women have been blinded in their minds eye of how life should really be. So you end up with some demanding women wanting us to be like Morris Chestnut or Taye Diggs in "Brown Sugar". Would a black woman marry a janitor? Is he any lest successful because he's content with where he's at and he has a roof over his head? Our forefathers raise families and sent kids to college off of being a janitor. And we were proud of them. They were successful to me. Would any black woman truly want to marry a trash dumpster man? You women answer the question in your head and figure out why most men have insecurities and issues. Could it be that you all put a lot of pressure on man to succeed? Is a man considered a failure because he takes the low road to success? He starts out mopping floors... and then he ends up owning a successful business. When he's mopping floors where is that black woman that's going to stand by him? Most black women these days show up when he's successful. Think of how he would have loved to have that woman there running the race with him to the finish line. This is a screwed up society. When a brotha ends up with a white woman or visa versa we both have lost our identity and our culture.
Black men often turn to other races because many Black women are difficult to approach and difficult to deal with. They justify this by going into this "Black women have to be strong" routine that you have demonstrated in this post.
In addition, many Black women routinely reject good men because they are not tall (though he is still taller than she is), or don't dress a certain way, or don't drive the right car, or perhaps have children (though he is a good father). These men have no other choice but to turn to women of other races and cultures. I am one of those men who date foreign Latinas. These women appreciate me while the sisters ignore me. However, I'm sure when I'm married I will get many mean looks coming from the sisters.
If Black Women try to be sweeter and softer and open their eyes to the many good men around them, there will be fewer Black men turning to women of other races and cultures.
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